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Ranking the Metroid Series Ranking the Metroid Series


Ranking the Metroid Series




Ever since Metroid was released way back in 1986, there have been a dozen other Metroid games that followed— some successful and others not so much. As we eagerly await the highly anticipated Metroid Prime 4, our staff has been debating which of the Metroid games is the best and in order to resolve the argument, we decided it was time we rank the Metroid series and see how each of the titles stack up when pitted against each other. Without further ado, here is our ranking of every Metroid game released thus far.

13. Metroid Prime: Federation Force

Its back against the wall from the initial reveal of the “Blast Ball” side mode, Metroid Prime: Federation Force earned the ire of franchise fans not only by failing to be the new entry in Samus’ adventures that gamers so craved, but also through ill-conceived design, lackluster gameplay, and bland visuals. Did the game work? Sure (mostly), but Metroid players aren’t used to functional mediocrity, and that’s exactly what they got with this multiplayer-focused effort.

Instead of taking control of the universe’s most renowned and deadliest bounty hunter, Federation Force instead tasks players with strapping on the armored uniform of a nondescript Galactic Marine — with a stubby body and oversized head, to boot. Teaming up with other players, they’ll take on an assortment of standard mission types ranging from ordinary enemy exterminations to run-of-the-mill escort duty to uninspired stealth sequences. There’s lots of finger-cramping shooting, some light puzzle solving, a few unmemorable boss fights, some nondescript sci-fi environments, and very little variety in loadouts; nothing to see here, folks.

Additional objectives do add some extra challenge to the 4-player gameplay — though beware going solo. Federation Force is meant to be experienced in the silence of others (well, outside a few generic prompts), and doesn’t reward those who like to go it alone. You know, like in a regular Metroid game. It’s good to experiment, but there tend to be more misses when swinging outside the zone; in trying to make the Metroid game players never knew they wanted, Nintendo just made Metroid Prime: Federation Force. (Patrick Murphy)

12. Metroid Prime: Hunters

Following up on the Gamecube’s Metroid Prime and Metroid Prime 2: Echoes, Metroid Prime: Hunters attempted to bring the reinvigorated and reinvented Metroid Prime series to Nintendo’s contemporaneous portable system, the Nintendo DS. In many ways, it is still surprising how well it works, with basic gameplay that somehow translated pretty well to small dual screens, graphics that seemed to push the modest system to its technological limits, a plot that bridges Metroid Primes 1 and 2, (on and offline) multiplayer, and the addition of new bounty hunters such as the villain Sylux, who remains a frequently requested Smash character thirteen years later.

However, Hunters also marked a step away from the contemplative, exploratory adventuring of past Metroid titles and ushered in a more action-orientated form of Metroid which the series would eventually overemphasize. Fans of the original game may also remember that their tendonitis was probably caused by Hunter’s bizarrely painful and painfully bizarre proto-Kid-Icarus-Uprising control scheme. Still, for a spin-off in a series that never lights the sales charts on fire, Metroid Prime: Hunters remains remarkable for its impressive polish and ability to successfully straddle the line between old and new. (Kyle Rentschler)

Ranking the Metroid Series

11: Metroid: Other M

Metroid: Other M is not the game people think of when they look back on the Metroid series and why they love it. Hell, it’s not even in the top 5. However, despite its awful characterization and painfully cliched storyline, Other M is actually a lot of fun.

Devised by Team Ninja, of Ninja Gaiden fame, Other M is a fascinating mix of the classic metroidvania style exploration and the more modern FPS Metroid adventures. Uniting these two disparate gameplay styles, and switching back and forth between them at the simple tilt of the Wii-mote is so satisfying and flawless that it’s a wonder so few games took advantage of it.

Of course, emerging so late in the Wii’s life cycle, it’s no surprise that Other M didn’t inspire a host of followers. After all, most players were too incensed by the iconic Samus’ portrayal as a whiny, rebellious brat, who somehow, conversely, seemed to lack any emotion or nuance whatsoever. Still, even if Other M isn’t a standout of this series, it still offers value, and is worth a playthrough for serious fans of the franchise, if nothing else then for the stellar gameplay alone. (Mike Worby)

Ranking the Metroid Series

10. Metroid: Prime Pinball

In 2008, FUSE Games took two unlikely sources, Pinball, and Metroid Prime, and lived up to their namesake by fusing them together with Metroid Prime Pinball for the Nintendo DS. The conceit is admittedly apt, as so much of every Metroid is spent as a morph ball, and that is indeed how you traverse the six sci-fi-themed tables – albeit via a flipper to send you rolling. The game itself is more fun than it has any right to be, with several smartly designed tables that pull design elements and enemies from the first in the Prime series.

The varied pinball arenas like The Pirate Frigate and Tallon Overworld are engaging and challenging and pay proper homage to their source while not getting bogged down in it. Notably, Prime Pinball was sold packaged with a bulky little rumble pack, the first of its kind to be sold with the GBA, an accessory that didn’t add too much to the gameplay, but at the time felt rather cool. As Metroid games go, it doesn’t exactly add a lot to the mythology or stand toe-to-toe with much of the proper series, but as a pinball simulator in itself, Metroid Prime Pinball is an odd little morph ball of fun. (Marty Allen)

Ranking the Metroid Series

9. Metroid II: Return of Samus

In 1991, Nintendo released Metroid’s first sequel but not on the system gamers were hoping. Instead, Metroid 2: Return of Samus was released on the original Game Boy, and with less horsepower (and fewer colors) Metroid 2: Return of Samus was somewhat of a disappointment for fans of the series.

Metroid II: Return of Samus isn’t a bad game by any stretch of the imagination, but as talented as Nintendo’s R&D1 division was, the creators could only do so much with the technical limitations of the Game Boy. Sure, Samus looks great, but she also takes up a large portion of the screen which crowds the environments making it hard to focus on what’s happening. And compared to other franchise entries, the environments don’t have much variety and the monochrome graphics make the corridors even more confusing to traverse.

That said, Metroid 2: Return of Samus did get a few things right including the plot that laid the foundations for future Metroid games. Yes, it’s a remarkable feat of a Game Boy game, and arguably one of the best games released for the handheld system but it nevertheless stands as one of the weakest of the core Metroid titles if only because the small screen robs it of the brooding atmosphere that makes the best Metroid games so memorable. (Ricky D)

Ranking the Metroid Series

8. Metroid

Nostalgia aside, Metroid deserves all and any praise it has received over the years, if only for launching a winning formula and one of Nintendo’s greatest franchises. From the NES debut to the Super Nintendo classic, to the underrated handheld entries, and the 3D debut with the Prime series – the Metroid games have, for the most part, been providing fans with countless hours of high-quality entertainment. Metroid’s tantalizingly slow, repetitious nature is a heartbeat-tripping reminder that many of today’s sped-up triple-A titles owe a lot to the ideas put forward in this 1986 classic. (Ricky D)

Ranking the Metroid Series

7. Metroid Prime 2: Echoes

While the Metroid Prime trilogy is rightly touted as being home to some of the finest games in the franchise, Echoes is often cited as the weakest of the three, and not without reason. The light and dark world mechanic had been used by Nintendo before, most notably in The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past. On top of the old hat concept, Echoes also deviates heavily from its progenitors by actually punishing exploration for large sections of the game, as any time spent in the dark reality damages Samus outside of safe zones.

Qualms aside, Echoes does still offer a lot to love. Its beam system was completely original, and it came up with more new gadgets and mechanics than either of its Prime siblings. It also introduced one of the franchise’s most popular antagonists in the form of Dark Samus. Though this was another riff on an idea that originated in the Zelda series, Dark Samus is still a great villain, and the encounters with her are tense and memorable. Though not Metroid’s finest moment, Echoes is an astute reminder that even a subpar Metroid game is generally heads and tails above everything else on the market. (Mike Worby)

Ranking the Metroid Series

6. Metroid Prime 3: Corruption

The Wii wasn’t exactly a console for hardcore gamers and from the likes of Wii Sports to Cooking Mama and beyond, it didn’t have the cadre of hardcore experiences that gamers typically expect of a new platform. Metroid Prime 3: Corruption is an exception to this paradigm. Released in 2007 to excellent reviews, Corruption provided an open opportunity for casual and hardcore gamers alike to accompany Samus on her mission to destroy the Phazon threat once and for all. Packing then-intuitive motion controls and a nice graphical upgrade from the two GameCube titles, Corruption seemed poised to build upon the greatest laid by its predecessors.

Despite being another excellent release by Retro Studios, Corruption’s pivots too intently toward casual gamers in its overall design. With the introduction of “hyper mode,” which enables Samus to power up temporarily at the cost of an energy tank, normal enemies became crippling easy to defeat, dying in just a few hits. Similarly, voiced NPCs, exposition dumps, and an all-to-easy story dampen the Metroid series’ tradition of providing subtextual storytelling supplemented by extreme isolation. Such changes, while making for a much different Prime experience from the first two games, don’t exactly make for a better game.

In its defense, Corruption introduced the Prime series’ best control scheme, integrating the Wii Remote so vitally into the overall Prime experience that when the entire series was ported over they all utilized Corruption’s control scheme. Similarly, despite lacking ambiance in most of its environments, several key moments in the game’s story, such as trips to the G.F.S. Valhalla and Pirate Homeworld, establishes areas that were as good, if not better, than those found in Prime and Echoes.

In the end, Corruption is a good game. If not as memorable as its predecessors, it blends together an innovative control scheme and an interesting set of locales to create an engaging experience that is among the best the series has to offer. (Izsak Barnette)

Ranking the Metroid Series

5. Metroid: Samus Returns

After years of waiting with baited breath for a new Metroid game, fans were finally met with Metroid: Samus Returns, and while calling the game entirely “new” might be a bit of a stretch, Nintendo and Mercury Steam have done enough new things with Samus Returns to justify its existence. As a remake of the Game Boy game, Metroid: Return of Samus, Samus Returns has seen a huge and favorable upgrade in the looks department first and foremost.

Another new addition comes in the fast and frenetic combat which the game boasts, thanks to its new counter-attack system. Though the mechanic feels a bit over-used toward the beginning of the adventure, the gameplay grows more and more balanced as Samus Returns marches onward to the extinction of Metroid-kind. Though it takes some effort to adjust to this new playstyle, by the time your super-powered Samus is approaching the end game, you’ll be right at home with this latest iteration of Metroid, and truly sad to see those credits roll.

With a few new surprises for even series veterans who have played the original and the unsanctioned AM2R remake, Samus Returns is one more reason to hold onto Nintendo’s fledgling handheld, and its success may even lead to a remake of another classic Metroid title if fans are lucky. (Mike Worby)

Ranking the Metroid Series

4. Metroid Fusion

It had been nearly eight years since the last side-scrolling Metroid game, Super Metroid, had been released on the SNES, and expectations were high for the release of not one, but two new Metroid games in one year. The first, Metroid Prime, became one of the greatest games of all time, a masterpiece and a testament to the excellence of the medium. The other, Metroid Fusion, had something of a different reaction. Initially loved by critics, it has become something of a black sheep within the series, derived by some for its linear pace and unoriginal setting.

Far from that, Metroid Fusion is a testament to how excellent atmosphere can create an engaging gameplay experience. Ratcheting up the tension is the SA-X, Fusion’s primary antagonist and Samus’ doppelganger, who is easily one of the series’ most threatening villains. Metroid Fusion is an excellent Metroid game, and one that is still worth playing, even fifteen years after its initial release. (Izsak Barnette)

Ranking the Metroid Series

3. Metroid: Zero Mission

The idea to remake Metroid was a truly brilliant one, and with its pedigree for bringing back retro gaming, the GBA was the perfect place for it. Made with the same engine as Metroid Fusion, the first thing you will notice about Zero Mission is how dramatically different it looks and plays in comparison to the original Metroid. The additional use of a map system and extra buttons were godsends, serving as much-needed add-ons that make Zero Mission far more playable than the endless trial and error experience of the original title.

Though much of ZM is a deliberate retread of Metroid (and even Super Metroid to a certain extent), where it really shines is in expanding the Metroid mythology, particularly through an extended epilogue sequence in which Samus’s gunship is shot down by space pirates, and she must use a stealth-based strategy to survive outside of her iconic power suit. Though the experience of Metroid: Zero Mission is a short one, it lives on as a game with tons of secrets to find, and a lot of replayability. (Mike Worby)

Ranking the Metroid Series

2. Metroid Prime

When Metroid Prime was first announced, amid several reinventions of Nintendo’s most popular franchises, it was met with an understandable level of backlash and skepticism. The notion that one of the most beloved side-scrolling series of all time would be forcibly morphed into a first-person shooter was not a popular one. Luckily for fans, they turned out to be dead wrong. With a little help from Texas-based Retro Studios, Nintendo was able to deliver arguably the best Metroid game yet, while simultaneously changing the game on what people could expect from the FPS genre.

All of the key mechanics from the series made the jump from 2D to 3D without missing a beat, and new ideas like alternate visors and physics-based morph ball puzzles make the game a unique challenge, even for longtime fans. Without a doubt the finest game on the GameCube, and one that still sits in my personal Top 10, Metroid Prime was the best reason to pick up Nintendo’s little purple box and remains an undisputed classic that still holds up today. (Mike Worby)

Ranking the Metroid Series

1. Super Metroid

One of the things most notable about Super Metroid is its profound and effective sense of atmosphere. Few games have managed to make an alien world feel so strange and surreal as the planet Zebes does here. Though the evocative music goes a long way to establishing the sad and decaying world, points must be given to the design team, who really nail the deliberate strangeness of the creature and area layouts. What makes Super Metroid such a strong experience is its uninhibited use of wordless story-telling to craft an emotionally engaging narrative that casts two characters as mothers and creates an intense dichotomy and rivalry between them, culminating in an unforgettable battle over a savage, yet innocent, child.

In the nuts and bolts department, the gameplay is wildly inventive, utilizing the power-up-based exploration mechanics that were introduced in previous installments. Super Metroid takes an everything-and-the-kitchen-sink approach to growing your character, wherein you start off as a pellet-firing weakling and end the game as an invincible, hyper-driven, flashing, super-speedy, infinite-jumping juggernaut. Add to that the fact that you’re playing as the most badass bounty hunter in the galaxy, and Super Metroid equals pure gaming bliss. If you want a game that absolutely lives up to all of its hype and more then you need to play Super Metroid. (Mike Worby)

Humans by birth. Gamers by choice. Goomba Stomp is a Canadian web publication that has been independently owned and operated since its inception in 2016.



  1. Math

    October 23, 2019 at 10:40 am

    What a joke of a list, metroid pinball better than other m, super metroid still the best of all time ad why is metroid 2 so high on the list, that game was playable at best.

    • Mike Worby

      October 26, 2019 at 12:32 pm

      The votes decide the order, sorry amigo, that’s how democracy works.

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Game Reviews

‘Coffee Talk’ Review: The Best Brew in Town

Coffee Talk is as quaint as your local coffee shop. It’s relatively short, wonderfully sweet, and absolutely committed to the art form of telling a story through a video game screen.



It’s 9:00pm. The rain just started coming down softly a few minutes ago, and the street outside is reflecting the lights above it. Neon signs shine brightly in the distance, although it’s hard to make out the words. You unlock the doors to the coffee shop and wipe down the counters in order to get them clean for the customers. The rain makes a soft sound as it hits the glass and passerby speed up their walking pace to avoid it. The bells chime as a tall, green orc walks in and sits down at your table in silence. You wonder what their story is…

I wanted to set the tone for this review because of how important atmosphere and audio/visual design is in the world of Coffee Talk. While it’s easy to boil the game down as a visual novel-type experience, it’s honestly so much more than that. A unique cast of characters, incredible user interface, and a mysterious protagonist combine to form the most enjoyable experience I’ve had this year on Switch.

Coffee Talk
Some of the subject matter can be pretty serious in nature…

Coffee Talk is beautiful because of how simple it is. The entire game takes place within a single coffee shop. As the barista, you’re tasked with making drinks for the patrons of the shop as well as making conversations with them. The twist is that earth is populated with creatures like orcs, werewolves, and succubi. The relationship between the various races is handled very well throughout the story, and some interesting parallels are made to the real world.

Making drinks is as simple as putting together a combination of three ingredients and hitting the ‘Serve’ button. If a unique drink is made, it will be added to a recipe list that can be referenced on the barista’s cell phone. This is where the awesome user interface comes in, as the phone has a series of apps that can be accessed at any moment in the game. One app houses your recipe list, another acts as a facebook for the characters in the game, one allows you to switch between songs, and the other houses a series of short stories that one of the characters in the game writes as it progresses. It’s one of the coolest parts of the whole experience and helps it stand out from other games in the genre.

Coffee Talk is as quaint as your local coffee shop. It’s relatively short, wonderfully sweet, and absolutely committed to the art form of telling a story through a video game screen.

Coffee Talk cycles between talking with customers and making drinks for them. In the beginning, they will ask for basic beverages that can be brewed on the fly. Later on however, they may ask for a specific type of drink that has a unique title. These drinks often have certain descriptive features that hint at other possibilities in terms of unique dialogue. If the wrong drink is made, you’ll have five chances to trash it and make a new one. If the wrong drink is made, don’t expect the customer to be pleased about it.

The gameplay really is not the focus here though; it’s the characters and their stories that take center stage. An elf with relationship issues, a writer that can’t seem to pin down her next story, and an alien whose sole goal is to mate with an earthling are just a few of the examples of the characters you’ll meet during the story. There are tons of memorable moments throughout Coffee Talk, with every character bringing something unique to the table. The barista develops an interesting relationship with many of these characters as well.

Coffee Talk
Appearances can often be deceiving in this game.

Even though serving the wrong drinks can change some of the dialogue, don’t expect any sort of options or branching paths in terms of the story. It’s not that kind of experience; the story should simply be enjoyed for what it is. I found myself glued to the screen at the end of each of the in-game days, waiting to see what would happen in the morning. The first playthrough also doesn’t answer all of the game’s questions, as the second one is filled with all kinds of surprises that I won’t spoil here.

Coffee Talk is as quaint as your local coffee shop. It’s relatively short, wonderfully sweet, and absolutely committed to the art form of telling a story through a video game screen. It’s an easy recommendation for anyone who loves video games, not just visual novel fans. There are characters in the game that I’ll certainly be thinking about for a long time, especially when the setting brings out the best in them. Don’t pass this one up.

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The Magic of Nintendo: How Mario and Zelda Connect us to Our Inner Child



Magic of Nintendo

Nintendo is special. Many excellent developers depend upon story or progression systems to entice engagement, but not Nintendo. Nintendo games captivate because of their immediate charm. There is no need for a payoff. The games, themselves, are enough: they elicit feelings, hard to find in adulthood. Through intrepid discovery, playful presentation, and unfiltered whimsy, the best of Nintendo connects gamers to their childlike selves.

The heart of any great Nintendo game is discovery and no encounter encapsulates this better than Breath of the Wild’s Eventide Island. First, finding the island requires genuine gumption. Found far from Hyrule’s shore, the island is only clearly visible from other islands, and even then, it’s only a speck in the distance. Reaching the island requires players to brave the open ocean and head towards something … that could be nothing. Then, upon arriving on the beach, a spirit takes all the player’s gear, including clothes and food. Link, literally, is left in his underwear. From there, players must make clever use of Link’s base skills in order to steal enemy weapons and make traps. The scenario creates a marvelous sense of self-sufficiency brought on by one’s own desire to discover. The player comes to the island purely of their own choosing, tackles the sea, and then overcomes obstacles without the aid of their strongest tools. The game turns players into plucky children who are discovering they can take care of themselves.

The intrepidity of Breath of the Wild and other Nintendo greats mirrors the feelings Shigeru Miyamoto, the father of many Nintendo franchises, experienced as a child. “I can still recall the kind of sensation I had when I was in a small river, and I was searching with my hands beneath a rock, and something hit my finger, and I noticed it was a fish,” Miyamoto told the New Yorker. “That’s something that I just can’t express in words. It’s such an unusual situation.” In sequences like Eventide Island, players don’t just understand what Miyamoto describes, they feel it: Apprehension gives way to exhilaration as the unknown becomes a place of play.

 Nintendo’s intrepid gameplay is often amplified by playful presentation with Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island being the quintessential example. The game’s visuals, defined by pastel colors and simple hand-drawings, appear crayoned by a child while the celestial chimes that punctuate the jubilant soundtrack evoke shooting stars. The overall effect cannot be understated. It takes the surreal and turns it real, allowing players to interact, tangibly, with imagination.

Super Mario Odyssey Wooden Kingdom

Even if one removes the presentation and gameplay from Nintendo’s masterpieces, an unabashed creativity remains that bucks norm and convention. The arbiter is fun; reason and logic have no say. For instance, Super Mario Odyssey’s Wooded Kingdom, takes place in a post-apocalyptic setting akin to Nier Automata. Players explore the metal remnants of a civilization that has become a lush home to robotic beings. However, unlike Nier, the dark undertones of the past have no bearing on the game or those who inhabit its universe. The post-apocalyptic setting is just a fun backdrop. It’s as though a bunch of children got together, began playing with toys, and one of the kids brought along his sibling’s adult action figures. There is no attention paid to the context, only unfiltered imagination.

When they’re at their best the creators at Nintendo invite gamers to come and play, like a parent arranging a play date. Pulled along by joyful gameplay that expands in unforeseen ways, players desire to play for the sake of play. It’s a halcyon state of being: No messy thoughts or contradiction, just joy.

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‘Kingdom Hearts III: Re:Mind’: An Utterly Shameless Cash Grab

Coming in at a $40 price point (!!!) Kingdom Hearts III: Re:Mind offers an 80% recycled campaign, a boss rush mode, and some other trash.



Kingdom Hearts III: Re:Mind

In the 15 year long history of DLC, we have seen some really shameless displays. The notorious horse armor incident of 2006 and a notable day one DLC for the ending game of a trilogy notwithstanding, few companies have had the utter audacity to offer so little content for such a high price point. Enter Kingdom Hearts III: Re:Mind.

Coming in at a $40 price point (!!!) Kingdom Hearts III: Re:Mind offers an 80% recycled campaign, a boss rush mode, and some social media nonsense for people who really hate themselves. That’s really it, that’s what you get. Honestly, Square-Enix should be utterly embarrassed by this DLC.

It’s been one year: 365 days, 8760 hours, 525600 minutes, or 31556952 seconds, since the release of Kingdom Hearts III. Let that sink in as you begin the meat of Kingdom Hearts III: Re:Mind. Think of it as the extended version of a movie you really like… you know, the kind where they add 4 minutes to the 120 minute runtime.

Kingdom Hearts III: Re:Mind

Yes, Kingdom Hearts III: Re:Mind, really is that cynical. I’m not kidding when I tell you that the game literally starts with an exact cut scene from the base game, and a cut scene that happens to be available from the theater mode of the main game that you’ve already bought if you’re playing this DLC. Yes, the introduction to this new content is… content you’ve already seen.

In fact, that’s kind of the sticking point here: most of what you get for your hard-earned cash is footage you’ve already seen, and battles you’ve already fought, and story you’ve already experienced, just with slight alterations for context. Remember back in the 2000s, when we were super obsessed with prequels? This is like that, except even more egregious.

Generally I’m not so unforgiving as to call a company out for a forthright cash grab, but that’s absolutely what Kingdom Hearts III: Re:Mind is. There’s just no other way to put it. You might find someone in the marketing department for Square-Enix who would disagree, but being a company that has faced just these sort of allegations for their last two major releases, Square-Enix either doesn’t read the news, or doesn’t care what people think of their products.

Kingdom Hearts III: Re:Mind

Square-Enix was roundly accused of shipping unfinished products in the case of both Final Fantasy XV and Kingdom Hearts III — their two most high profile releases of the last decade. I personally gave mostly positive reviews of both games for this very website but if you want ammo to suggest that this company is deliberately trading on the nostalgia and passion of its fan base in order to make financial headway, there are few examples you could draw from that are as obvious as this DLC.

Look, maybe you’re a really big Kingdom Hearts fan. Maybe you just really wanted to know what the context was for that cliffhanger ending in Kingdom Hearts III. Maybe you just don’t do much research before you buy something. Or maybe… you just really trust this company for some reason.

Hey, I’m not judging… hell, I bought this DLC for $40 same as anyone else. I oughta be honest that I’m not reviewing Kingdom Hearts III: Re:Mind as some holier than thou critic, talking down to you from my position of privilege. No, I’m an angry consumer in this particular case. I’m a person who spent enough to replace a flat tire on my car, or buy my family dinner, on a game that is clearly playing off of my love for a franchise, and using it to bilk me out of money in a method that is so clear, and so concise, that those involved in the entire endeavor should be totally embarrassed for their part in the creation, marketing, pricing, and distribution of this expansion.

Kingdom Hearts III: Re:Mind

Yes, fans had their complaints about Kingdom Hearts III. “Where are the hardcore boss battles? Where are the Final Fantasy characters? Where are the secret areas? Where are the hidden plot developments?” Still, to address these particular complaints by hammering a few minutes or seconds here and there into already existing content is truly like spitting in the faces of the people who have built the house you’re living in.

I haven’t sat in the board rooms at Square-Enix and I haven’t been in email chains about the planning of projects at their company but what I can say is that there is something rotten in Denmark if this is what passes for a satisfying piece of content for the wildly devoted fans of a hugely popular franchise in 2020. Kingdom Hearts III: Re:Mind is literally, truthfully, and succinctly, the worst piece of DLC I’ve ever purchased.

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