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Game Reviews

‘Lifespeed’ definitely has the speed, but forgets the life part



“You folks happen to know what the main trouble with this country is? The main trouble is there are too many people who don’t know where they’re going and they want to get there too fast.” – The Bishop’s Wife, 1947

While the idea of slowing down might seem to contradict the very point of a racing game, developer Wee Man Studios might have benefited from a little more rose-smelling on the way to producing Lifespeed, a high-speed futuristic vehicular competition in the vein of F-Zero or Wipeout. Twists and turns come up fast in this genre, but disorientation is usually reserved solely for the course, not the entire experience. Without enough straightaways in which to savor the moment, Lifespeed‘s mostly-solid controls and sometimes-nifty visuals are heavily undermined by a confusing story campaign that zips by in the blink of an eye, some dubious track design, and odd flaws in the overall polish that keeps players guessing at even some of the basics, unable to truly get their bearings until it’s already over. The result is a life on the circuit that fades from memory as quickly as the finish line approaches.

Taking place in a distant future where galactic disputes over resources are settled by sweet, badass racing, Lifespeed‘s story starts off just ridiculous enough to warrant interest from the kind of C-movie fans that enjoy SyFy movies, but unfortunately that giggle-inducing potential is squandered fairly soon by incomprehensibility. Comic book-style art panels attempt to explain the plot and showcase the various heroes and villains, but the text is scatterbrained, never establishing a proper setting or even character intros. Instead, captions and dialogue bubbles haphazardly zig-zag from plot point to plot point, dishing out jargon that might sound cool if the context wasn’t so glossed over. It doesn’t help that the text is often riddled with grammatical errors, including misspelling of a few words. This makes it almost necessary to read each line twice if one is to decipher exactly what’s going on. Though the artwork is rather nice to look at and the presentation gives off a slick, conspiratorial vibe, by the end I really had no better understanding of what transpired than the initial synopsis gives. By attempting to cram to much into too little, the story comes across often simply as a “someone is racing against someone else because someone doesn’t want some other person to win or something” kind of plot – rushed and not very compelling.

It’s doubtful that many people boot up racing games for their stories, however, and thankfully Lifespeed comes up somewhat better in the gameplay department. Piloting the vehicles is reasonably intuitive, sticking to the fundamentals. Racers will use all the space given in the corridors, moving up and down as well as left and right, allowing for obstacles that force ships to weave in and around the screen. Naturally, the genre requires fast reflexes or course memorization if certain collapsing walls or missile-launching booby traps are to be avoided, so get used to seeing your ship tumbling around. After some practice, however, those various tight turns and tighter squeezes become much more doable, and when Lifespeed is firing on all cylinders, navigating the winding loops and blasting through a narrow tunnel feels great.

Still, a few quirks do meaningfully hold tracks back. The 3DS’ small screen (note that the game is only playable on the “New” model) certainly makes being an Anakin Skywalker a little tougher on its own, but some course layouts contain cheap traps that would be impossible to spot without knowing they were there in the first place, and even then can be tough to react to. Getting stuck on geometry is fairly common when missing the mark, and occasionally invisible forces that never make themselves clear will stop a fantastic run dead in its tracks. These aspects contribute to even more discombobulation, as at times they seem unavoidable.

The visuals themselves also contribute. Though there are some very pretty sights take advantage of the power of the hardware, like a cityscape filled with colorful advertisements and passing freight ships, the colors of tracks and backgrounds often blend together too much, with the resulting lack of distinction leading to disorientation and the kind of stupid crashes that destroy momentum. These sorts of annoyances don’t add up to much on the game’s easiest setting, but when competing on normal difficulty (or higher, if your a masochist), where ships are stronger and faster, frustration can quickly mount, and there is a sense that much of this could have been easily avoided.

That feeling is also reinforced by some odd design choices that affect the overall user-friendliness. Curiously, Lifespeed thrusts players into the battle for the fate of the galaxy (I think?) without explaining some of the basic powerups and abilities these ships have access to. Instead of a tutorial that slowly introduces what the multitude of colored rings do, how different weapons work, or even which button allows you to brake(!), these concepts are only doled out post-race, one at a time. However, to advance to that info screen, a ranking of third or higher must be achieved; anything less necessitates a complete restart. This means that for a player to understand all of the controls and items present in Lifespeed, they nearly have to beat the game. Mastering these skills may not be necessary in Rookie mode, but it’s still a little strange. I know the purple ring gives me power, but what exactly is that for again?

In addition to the short campaign, players can take on the game’s eight tracks individually or as a championship season that basically mirrors the story mode, but without the story. Different pilots and ships can be experimented with here, and online leaderboards display scores achieved in each setting. There’s not really much else to Lifespeed. Fans of the genre may enjoy tackling higher difficulty levels and racking up points, but the hour-long campaign will have most players seeing the checkered flag all too quickly, possibly not even sure how, and leaving not much else. Lifespeed never allows racers to settle in, and as such leaves no real impression of its own, just another hazy memory.

Patrick Murphy grew up in the hearty Midwest, where he spent many winter hours watching movies and playing video games while waiting for baseball season to start again. When not thinking of his next Nintendo post or writing screenplays to satisfy his film school training, he’s getting his cinema fix as the Editor of Sordid Cinema, Goomba Stomp's Film and TV section.



  1. Ricky D

    February 7, 2017 at 1:01 am

    I was really looking forward to this game, hoping it would be as good as Fast Racing NEO. This is a shame.

  2. John

    February 7, 2017 at 10:50 am

    Dude a racing game isn’t supposed to be played in one go on the easiest difficulty setting. That’s just there to get you used to playing it.
    It sounds like you were just rubbish at playing it and gave up which for a reviewer is quite unprofessional.

    • Rebecca Owens

      February 7, 2017 at 2:03 pm

      Thank you! That’s what we thought. The easy mode is where you train to play!

    • Patrick

      February 8, 2017 at 12:04 am

      You know, you can be good at a game and still think it’s bad. Not sure where you’re getting the idea that I gave up, but maybe if you read the whole review you’ll be clearer on my problems with it.

      • John

        February 10, 2017 at 10:19 am

        “Fans of the genre may enjoy tackling higher difficulty levels and racking up points, but the hour-long campaign will have most players seeing the checkered flag all too quickly, possibly not even sure how, and leaving not much else. ”
        This line gives me the impression you never played beyond the story mode in Rookie mode. Maybe you did but that’s not how it comes across. It’s a hard game but some people prefer that and to play a hard racing game you need to learn the tracks and that’s impossible in one play though.

        • Patrick

          February 11, 2017 at 12:58 am

          Ah, I see how you took it. I suppose that should have read “die-hard fans,” as I think they may be the only ones who will get any enjoyment out of the harder difficulty levels; I had problems with the track design that I go into above. There are frustrating elements I felt could have been smoothed out to make skill the only real obstacle to progression, and on the tough modes these stand out even more, discouraging replay in my eyes.
          I definitely gave every mode extensive playtime though (for the record, I did beat the campaign on “normal” as well) – I just didn’t have a good time doing it. Thanks for clarifying though!

          • John

            February 11, 2017 at 7:33 pm

            Fair enough. Thanks for the clarification.

            Try staying in the middle of the track at all times and you will have less issue with the ridges. I guess it’s a little like playing a Formula 1 GP game when all the courses mimic the tight track of Monaco with wall on either side.

            Not to everyone’s tastes.

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Game Reviews

‘The Touryst’ Review: Vacation, All I Ever Wanted



There’s an acceptance of a certain rhythm when traveling alone: often an itinerary-less trip will be filled with quiet solitude and uneventful meandering; yet, when those exciting moments of interaction and discovery are inevitably stumbled upon, they tend to be of the highly memorable variety. The latest offering from Shin’en Multimedia, The Touryst, shrewdly captures this relaxing, energizing roller coaster. It’s a quirky little getaway that encourages players to explore its gorgeous voxel island delights at their own pace, letting them bask in the peaceful surroundings and doling out treasure for those curious to seek it out. The result is a soothing weekend sojourn of puzzles, platforming, and mini games under the sun that is also winds up as one of the best indies on the Switch.

There’s no doubt that atmosphere plays a big part in what makes The Touryst so successful, as the vague setup and sparse narrative casts a mysterious aura over the proceedings. Who our mustachioed vacationer is or why he agrees to find glowing blue orbs for some random old man is pretty much left to the imagination. Is the player curious about what they could see and find out there among the green palm trees, sandy beaches, monolithic temples, and sky blue waters? Then they will follow their nose regardless of the lack of any story motivation, and The Touryst has sprung its trap. The urge to see the sights and have an adventure is a must here, and so the wandering begins.

Luckily, The Touryst is filled with charming things to stumble upon around almost every corner, be that a scuba diving boat operator on a Greek isle that facilitates swimming with the fishes, a seaside dance party in need of a hi-tech energy boost, or a bustling business center complete with an arcade, art gallery, and movie theater (for those times when you just need to sit down for a while). Personality abounds, as long as friendly players aren’t shy about talking to strangers (the best way to get the most out of a trip to a new place). No matter where one’s feet take them, there are plenty of mini-stories at play thanks to the native inhabitants and fellow tourists, with these weirdos offering interactions both puzzling and profitable.

But there’s more to life than racking up coins via side quests; there’s something eerily odd buried beneath the tropical destinations of The Touryst that beckons to be uncovered by just the right explorer. Towering mounds filled with ancient devices and clever puzzles hold secrets that promise that this vacation will be one for the scrapbook. These short ‘dungeons’ are the meat of the game, providing a variety of platforming and logic challenges that range from overt to opaque; sometimes even finding the way in to these ominous structures is a puzzle in itself, which only further drives an overarching sense of discovery.

Smartly, The Touryst rarely telegraphs solutions to its tests (or in some cases, that there even is a test), and instead encourages experimentation. Inside temples, players need to determine why certain lights are glowing and others aren’t, understand how sequences work, pay attention to rumbling feedback, and decide just how to deal with once-dormant mechanical creatures that now awaken to stand in the protagonist’s way. Things can seem opaque at times, but Shin’en has managed to hit that sweet spot that keeps poking around from getting too frustrating. But just in case, there are plenty of beach chairs and cabana beds to lie down on and think. Or, just soak in some rays and enjoy the scenery.

Regardless of the difficulty players may or may not have with the crafty puzzles or surprisingly challenging mini games (good lord, surfing and those 8-bit arcade throwbacks can be tough), The Touryst is still a sight to see. Shin’en has created a buttery smooth island-hopping environment that is a pleasure to peruse. Go off the beaten path and enjoy the gorgeous sunsets, gently pixelated waves, crunching grains of sand, and flopping flora. The visuals seem so simple, yet at times can be stunning to behold, especially when spotting some of the smaller details that have been added to make these place come alive. A depth of field style entices players to see just what that blurry landmark off in distance is, and the soundtrack seamlessly shifts between relaxing and intriguingly uncanny. That developers have achieved this with what are surely the shortest load times on Nintendo’s console makes the experience all the more immersive.

Like most vacations, The Touryst is destined to be over too soon for some players, but trips like these aren’t meant to last forever. The five hours or so it takes to see all there is to see is highly satisfying throughout, and the vague hint at the end of a followup will have many Switch-owning puzzle fans looking forward to getting future time off.

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Game Reviews

‘Shovel Knight: King of Cards’ and ‘Showdown’ Review: Really Spoiling Us

It’s a Yacht Club Games overdose this holiday, as the Kings of Kickstarter are back with two new entries in the Shovel Knight franchise.



It’s a Yacht Club Games overdose this holiday season, as the Kings of Kickstarter are back with, not just one, but two new entries in the Shovel Knight franchise. Not content with just releasing another new character’s twist on the original formula, Yacht Club has also developed their own fighting game in the Shovel Knight universe. It’s to the developer’s credit that two simultaneous releases can be of this quality, but valid questions can also be asked as to whether the original formula has gotten stale, and whether Showdown’s new concept does the series justice. Fear not, for both questions will be answered in this bumper, two-for-one review!

Shovel Knight: King of Cards

King of Cards is the latest re-tread of Shovel Knight, and this time the emperor’s new clothes are the regal duds of King Knight, who is on a quest to become the greatest player in the kingdom of the card game Joustus… without really having to beat that many people at it. After the stoically heroic Shovel Knight, the dastardly cunning Plague Knight, and the broodingly enigmatic Spectre Knight, King of Cards’ protagonist embodies an enjoyable dose of pompous entitlement. His quest isn’t all that noble, and he really can’t be bothered to do a lot of hard graft to reach his goal. Thanks to the typically witty script, King Knight shines as a loathsome oik who doesn’t pay attention to any advice he’s given, and would rather have a fight, or cheat, than actually get better at Joustus.

Shovel Knight
This a late-game bout of Joustus, which shows how complex it can get.

Joustus might not really be all that important to King Knight, but it adds an entirely new element to the traditional Shovel Kinght gameplay. Those players who are a sucker for built-in card games (myself included) will find a lot to enjoy when stepping away from all the platforming and fighting to engage in a round of Joustus. The game is played by placing cards, one at a time, onto a grid with the goal of having more of your cards placed on top of gems than your opponent.

All cards contain abilities and can be used to shove opposing cards out of the way (and off the gems), with advanced cards used to blow up, slam or recruit those of the other player. It all starts off simple enough, but can get really brain-taxing as the story progresses, and grows to be a real highlight of the game – and one of the better card-games-within-a-game I’ve played. Cheat cards can be bought to give you a leg up for trickier opponents, especially as the winner of each game gets to take one (or three if you control all gems at the end of the round) card from the loser.  

Shovel Knight
Platforming at its satisfying best. Y’know, without actually touching the platforms.

Outside of Joustus, King of Cards will feel pleasingly familiar to fans of the series. As in previous entries, the levels all share the same look and gimmicks as the original Shovel Knight, but are reshaped to adapt to the new abilities of King Knight. He has a shoulder barge attack that launches him forward, across gaps if need be, and will send him into a spin on contact with enemies or certain types of walls and blocks. This spin move acts very much in the same way as Shovel Knight’s shovel pogo attack, and allows King Knight to bounce around levels with impressive finesse. Anyone who’s played Shovel Knight before knows the drill now – try and clear every screen by chaining together as many bounce attacks as you can. It’s the law.

Shovel Knight
Familiar foes return, but the way you deal with them is the same!

It also wouldn’t be a Shovel Knight game if there weren’t a ton of unlockable moves and buffs. Amongst the best unlocks for King Knight are a Tazmanian Devil-esque tornado spin that allows him to climb walls and smash up enemies, a hammer that produces hearts with each wallop for precious HP, throwable suicide bomber mice, and the ability to stand still and have a big ol’ cry to regain HP. Something we can all relate to.

The world map returns, and is in its best guise in King of Cards. Levels are now a lot shorter than you’d expect – there’s typically only one checkpoint in the non-boss levels – but there are a lot more of them, and a large number have secret exits to find. They’re interspersed with the multiple opportunities to play Joustus, and with the seemingly random appearances of traditional Shovel Knight bosses who show up, Hammer Bros. style, on the map to block your progress. It makes for a really tight campaign that’s filled with a ton of variety.

The floor is literally lava!

It seems almost arbitrary to say, but if you like Shovel Knight and you’re not tired of the standard gameplay, there’s so much to enjoy with King of Cards. He’s probably not the most fun character to play as (for me, that’d be Spectre Knight), but his game is easily the most diverse. He’s just such an enjoyably unlikeable idiot that you’ll constantly be playing with a smile on your face, bopping along to the classic Shovel Knight chiptunes, pogoing around levels and pausing for the occasional game of cards. Who could ask for more?

Shovel Knight Showdown

Who likes Shovel Knight boss fights? Everyone does, right? How about fighting three of them at once in an amalgamation of Smash Bros. and Towerfall? It’s as chaotic as you’re imagining, and seems like a total no-brainer as a second genre for Yacht Club to transpose their blue, spade-loving hero into.

What seemed like an obviously smart move doesn’t necessarily play out in an ideal way. The one-on-one fights in Showdown are as tightly-contested and entertaining as ever, but the multi-man rumbles are absolute mayhem. There are a few different stipulations applied to fights, and these typically involve simply whittling down your opponents’ lives, or depleting their health bar to briefly kill them off and steal any gems they’ve collected from around the level, with the winner being the first to an assigned number.

Shovel Knight
I found it best to just try to escape in every multi-man level.

Standard fights are more enjoyable, as the simplicity of smacking seven shades of snot out of the competitors keeps things manageable amongst the cacophony of onscreen visual noise. The gem-collecting levels, especially with multiple opponents, are frankly a bit of a mess that I rarely found enjoyable.

Perhaps I’m just not very good at Shovel Knight boss fights, but the game felt overly difficult even on the normal setting. Playing story mode often sees your chosen character up against three opponents on the same team, and when it comes to collecting gems from around the level, they’ve got way more of the space covered and you barely get a chance to breathe with them swarming you from the word go. It’s basically an exercise in getting wailed on while you try to run away and scramble for gems, and it’s just not that fun.

If the whole game were 1v1 I’d have more fun, but it’d be a bit pointless and unsubstantial.

What does add a layer of fun to the game is the chance to play as the complete ‘Knight’ roster of Shovel Knight characters, and the best part of Showdown is learning new moves and trying to find your ‘main’. Perhaps, with more time to sit down and learn the move sets in the practice mode, the game would feel more rewarding than if you just jump in and try to slog through the chaotic story mode as I did.

With a four-player battle mode as the only other gameplay option, Showdown was clearly never meant to be anything other than a brief little curio to give fans of the series’ boss fights an overdose of what they love, but as a complete experience, I found it lacking in both modes and reasons to keep plugging away at the arcade fighter-style story mode. It turns out that the boss fights in Shovel Knight are more fun at the end of a platforming level rather than in the middle of enclosed space filled with flashing lights, random effects, environmental hazards, and three bastards all chasing you down. If you can handle all that stress, you’ll have a much better time than I did.

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Game Reviews

‘Disco Elysium’: A Thought-Provoking Mystery



Disco Elysium Review

For the most part, the majority of games are easy to classify, but from time to time a game is released that defies conventional rules and resists simple categorization. Disco Elysium is just such a game. On the surface of it, it’s a topdown, isometric RPG of the oldest of old schools. It draws upon long-established systems, structures, and mechanics that make it comfortably familiar. However, beneath that patina of tradition lies something completely unexpected and utterly unique.

Developed by the small, independent studio ZA/UM, with a story penned by Estonian novelist, Robert Kurvitz, and a painstakingly detailed world crafted by artist Aleksander Rostov, Disco Elysium stands apart from most RPGs in that it is startlingly realistic whilst simultaneously being grimly fantastical. Set on an isolated archipelago in the wake of a failed communist revolution, the game casts players as a detective sent to solve the murder of a man found hanging in the backyard of a rundown boarding house/cafe. It’s a simple setup made all the more complex by the fact that the player character is suffering from a severe bout of alcohol and drug-induced amnesia. The mystery that needs to be solved concerns piecing together exactly who the player character is, as much as it involves reconstructing the chain of events that resulted in a brutal death.

Arriving at conclusions to both conundrums requires navigating complex webs of social and political intrigue. Along the way, players will encounter union bosses, disgruntled workers, war veterans, and all manner of extraordinary and mundane citizens just trying to go about their daily lives in a place that seems designed to thwart their ambitions at every turn. More than that though, players will be required to engage in continuous internal dialogues that involve the protagonist gradually putting themselves back together. The result is character customization in a quite literal sense of the word. Rather than the standard array of physical options that most games of this type present players with, the options are entirely psychological. Player actions and choices determine the overall structure of the internal workings of their character. Whether they decide to be a high-minded idealist trying to better themselves and the world around them in whatever way they can or opt to descend into anarchic, hedonistic self-obliteration such choices determine exactly who and what their version of the character is.

The foundation of stats and skills that are usually inert background components that all RPGs are based on is firmly in place. However, rather than being a numerical bedrock upon which all gameplay is based, Disco Elysium takes those sets of modifiers and statistics and makes them an active part of character progression and world development. As you progress through the game, skills points can be used for a variety of purposes. They can be used to upgrade core character stats, of which there a total of twenty-four covering a whole range of mental, physical, and social attributes, that govern player’s ability to immediately interact with the game world. However, they can also be used to learn or forget particular thoughts These thoughts develop depending on how players decide to approach situations and solve problems and can unlock semi-permanent bonuses and even penalties.

Disco Elysium Review

Much as in reality, the things the character is capable of are largely dependent on their frame of mind. If players opt to make a character that is brash and uncouth then they will find it difficult to subtly manipulate interactions to their benefit or arrive at unobtrusive solutions to various situations. On the other hand, if they elect to play a character that is more thoughtful and introspective, or cunning rather than crass, then they will find it difficult to emerge unscathed from more physical challenges. It’s an interpretation of character development and player progress that feels much more organic than in any other game of this sort. This is probably where Disco Elysium does the most to stand out from other such titles. Such a flexible approach to progress is hopefully something that other companies will emulate going forward, as it allows the character to develop a true personality that goes a step beyond the mathematically-oriented, incremental statistical increases that are usually the norm.

Disco Elysium Review

The ways in which player action, character interaction, and game reaction combine together is probably the closest it is possible to get to a truly curated dungeon master-guided play experience in an RPG. There is such a wide and unpredictable variety of moment-to-moment options that players can never be certain what exactly is going to happen next. This sense of improvisational unpredictability is a quintessential element of any RPG, but it is often lost in translation from tabletop rules to computer game mechanics. This pitfall is avoided thanks to the fact that the world of Disco Elysium was conceptualized as a tabletop game but doesn’t actually exist as one yet. As such the developers were able to implement systems without the expectation of adhering to pre-existing mechanics. This expectation has often been the downfall of many such games in the past, such as the much-maligned Sword Coast Legends which was lambasted for its apparent butchery of the 5th edition Dungeons and Dragons ruleset. It will be interesting to see if Larian Studios can avoid similar problems with Baldur’s Gate 3.

Disco Elysium Review

As intriguing and unconventional as Disco Elysium is, and no matter how deserving it is of the accolades it won at 2019’s Game Awards, it’s hard to recommend it as something to play if you’re looking for fun. It’s relentlessly grim even when it’s trying to be funny, and its stream of consciousness style makes even the most basic of interactions a minefield of potential disturbing possibilities. With its biting combination of continental existentialist ennui, pseudo-Lovecraftian undercurrents, and socio-political critique it isn’t a game that you play for the sheer joy of it, but rather for the esoteric and unusual experience that it offers. That being said, in a market that’s full to bursting point with crowd-pleasing blockbusters and oftentimes strictly by-the-book sequels or carbon copy titles, it can be incredibly rewarding to delve into a game as intricate and nuanced as Disco Elysium.

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