There are many, many cringe-worthy moments in the short history of gaming. From Mass Effect‘s most awkward love scene in the whole universe to some of the most egregious corporate sponsorship ever agreed upon, there’s no shortage of hilariously awful and terribly inept scenes to draw from both inside and outside of the game. However, few of them can compare with Eiffel 65’s awful PlayStation anthem: “My Console“.
Though the thought that this must be some sort of flagrant brand synergy scheme by Sony seems to be the only reasonable explanation for a song this bad, no amount of research we’ve done has turned up even a shred of evidence to support that idea. This leads us to the much worse (and much sillier) conclusion that Eiffel 65 really loved their PlayStation so much that they wrote a song about it.
Now, don’t get me wrong here: the PlayStation is one hell of a console. You could easily list off 20-30 all time classics from Sony’s debut console without even having to try very hard. Hell, you can find a literal list of a bunch of them in this very song. Take the opening bar, for example:
“We’re gonna play the game, the PlayStation all day
With Metal Gear Solid to Tekken 3
And from Omega Boost to Resident Evil
Just play for the fun, cuz we’ve got it goin’ on!”
In fact, by the time you’ve finished the song, you’ll be morbidly impressed with how much song time Eiffel 65 manages to fill up by simply naming games on the PlayStation. Truly, outside of the chorus, which is literally just the band singing the spelling of PlayStation (“P-L-A-Y-S-T-A-T-I-O-N”) over and over again, the rest of the song is actually just naming a bunch of other games you can play on this console.
“Tekken 3, Metal Gear Solid,
Resident Evil, Gran Turismo,
Omega Boost, Bloody Roar,
X-Files, all over the world,
Come on, Ridge Racer, Oddworld,
That came on our PlayStation.”
It’s impressive in the same way that Rebecca Black’s “Friday” is. The sheer repetitive nonsense of the song is actually complimented by how little effort clearly went into writing it. Whereas “Friday’ has an interlude that explains how Thursday comes before Friday, and Saturday comes afterward, Eiffel 65 were literally just sat staring at a stack of their games with a notepad.
It’s embarrassingly transparent, but that doesn’t stop it from having kind of a catchy beat. I mean, maybe if Eiffel 65 had sang the song in their native Italian, the overall douche-chill of the song might have possibly been avoided (though it’s hard to imagine an Italian substitute for a word like “Tekken“).
Either way, Eiffel 65’s “My Console” lives on even in the annals of most modern streaming services. Surely a time capsule of an era where gamers were so very desperate to be cool, the Italian dance trio’s PlayStation anthem will exist forever in the digital ether, primed to be made fun of by many future generations to come.