Top Ten Moustaches in Video Games

Movember Time

It’s November, and you know what that means – Halloween is behind us, Christmas is just around the corner, and it’s time to grow a moustache.

Started back in 2003 by a group of friends in Melbourne, Movember (as it soon came to be known) raises awareness and funds for men’s health – specifically cancer and mental health – by challenging all those who wish to take part to grow a moustache for the month. Those who take on this challenge are sponsored by their family, friends, and colleagues, and raise money for various charities across the world. Movember has so far raised over £400 million all in the name of allowing men to live happier, healthier, and longer lives.

Many who take on the challenge realise their new facial fuzz rather suits them, and may wish to keep on growing and styling long after the month ends. Others may just need a little inspiration to get going. Either way, they could do worse than take a few fashion tips and tricks from these mighty ‘staches of gaming history.

So, in honour of Movember and its great cause, let’s take a look at the top ten moustaches in video games.

10. Mario

There’s no better place to start than with this all-time classic. It’s simple, it’s stylish, it’s impossible to pull off in real life and look even half as good – it’s 100% Mario! From his 8-bit days to Super Mario Odyssey, and even his upcoming film, Mario has worn it proudly, never once changing or shaving it off. Even better, everything Mario and Cappy can possess in Odyssey will gain a little moustache too, and surprisingly, it suits them all wonderfully!

But its simplicity lets it down when compared to others on this list. It might be iconic, but it doesn’t grab your attention like the rest.

9. Wario

Speaking of moustaches that are impossible to pull off in real life, we have Mario’s nemesis, Wario. It’s unique, that’s for sure, and with its crazy lightning bolt-esque zig-zags, it certainly stands out from the crowd. If you saw someone with something similar under their nose this Movember, you wouldn’t be sure whether to applaud them or give them a wide berth.

Like Mario, the zaggy ‘stache has been there since his 8-bit days. But how does he do it? Does it grow that way naturally? Does he spend three hours every morning in the bathroom styling it perfectly? I guess we’ll never know.

8. Solid Snake

A solid effort from Solid Snake. Sometimes all you need a simple, well-trimmed soup-strainer.

Unlike Mario and Wario, Solid Snake was not always a moustache-for-life kind of man. In his younger days, he preferred to do his sneaky and subterfuge clean-shaven (perhaps it lowered wind resistance and helped with a “clean” getaway). Later in life, he began experimenting with growing out his stubble, giving him a roguish, renegade look. And finally, in his old age, he settled on something a little more stylish, a finely kept moustache that any self-respecting grandpa would be proud of.

And he wasn’t the only one to realise just how good the right moustache can look, as his long-time nemesis grew something similarly impressive for their final showdown.

7. Andrew Ryan

When it comes to Andrew Ryan, it’s less about the moustache itself and more about the statement the moustache makes. This classic pencil moustache simply exudes an air of class and superiority. Surprisingly difficult to style correctly, it shows Andrew Ryan is meticulous when it come to the finer details. With one look, you know this is a man who takes himself seriously, who knows what he wants and just how to get it, and that this is a man to avoid if you know what’s good for you. And it also leaves Andrew Ryan resembling another real-world capitalist megalomaniac.

Crazed artist Sander Cohen could also have made this list with his Dali-esque pencil ‘stache, but I feel Ryan’s tells his tale a little more subtly.

6. Gordon Freeman

Slipping closer into beard territory here, Gordon Freeman’s goatee is nonetheless an iconic look. One that almost certainly inspired Breaking Bad’s Walter White when he decided his simple ‘stache needed an upgrade.

Despite only ever being seen in promotional artwork and box covers, this goatee is a staple of the gaming greats. And while Gordon never says a word himself, players can infer as much about his personality from his actions as they can from one look at his glorious moustache. If you are going to spend your life battling interdimensional aliens, you may as well look stylish while you do it.

5. Heihachi

Heihachi Mishima certainly has a fearsome look to him, one that is only compounded by his outlandish hair and moustache combo. Looking very much like Tom Selleck’s in Magnum PI, this moustache instantly informs any challengers and onlookers alike that this is not a man to be messed with. And if you do, he will beat you into the ground without breaking a sweat.

Old faces suit fine moustaches, and while Heihachi’s is remarkably similar to Solid Snake’s, Heihachi manages to style it out a little better. Having rocked a ‘stache from a younger age, he knows what he’s doing, and wouldn’t even dream of shaving it all off once Movember is through.

4. Dr. Wily

Dr. Wily clearly goes to the same barber as Heihachi. Not only are their moustaches almost identical, but so are their hairstyles. The only difference is that Dr. Wily undoubtedly takes less pride in his appearance than the pugilist grandpa, as evidenced by just how messy and unkempt it all is.

It’s a truth universally acknowledged that any mad scientist worth his salt must be in want of a mad hairdo, but very few take it a step further by adding a complementary mad moustache. Looking perhaps as Albert Einstein would have done if he had ever fallen off the deep end, it’s no wonder Dr Wily is a villain.

3. Dr. Eggman

Now this is a moustache! Dr. Eggman’s (or Robotnik, as he used to be more well-known) great brush of a moustache is a truly imposing sight and is even more eccentric and unforgettable than Wario’s bizarre number. Left to grow completely wild, this ‘stache tells us a lot about Eggman: that he’s single-minded in his pursuits, that he’s eccentric, and that, like Dr Wily, he’s too busy creating devious new inventions and deadly new robots to spend five minutes in front of the mirror.

As mad as this moustache is, it suits him perfectly. But, it’s perhaps not the best moustache to try to emulate this Movember – it would be sure to draw a lot of strange looks in the street! Unless you’re Jim Carrey, who recreated it perfectly in the two live-action films!

2. Sir Hammerlock

Nothing says ‘national pride’ quite like a bushy set of Victorian-style mutton chops, though just which nation Sir Hammerlock is proud of is anyone’s guess. As is where he got his knighthood. Here is another example of a moustache fitting a personality perfectly (do keep that in mind when deciding upon a style for yourself this Movember), as it suits his stiff-upper-lip, well-spoken exterior, while also providing a hint of that gung-ho spirit of derring-do underneath.

It also goes so well with his monocle and uniform that make him look like an old-fashioned African explorer, making him appear as though he’s just stepped out of some strange steampunk history book.

1. Captain Price

Perhaps it’s because Modern Warfare 2 just released, but to me, there’s no beating Captain John Price’s glorious mutton chops. This is the facial hair of a seasoned solider, a man not to be messed with under any circumstances, and one whose meticulous level of planning shows in his meticulous grooming.

Versions of Captain Price have popped up across the Call of Duty franchise and each one presented audiences with their own take on the classic mutton chops. Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare’s luxuriously bushy beast was the one I was first introduced to, and a moustache that holds a special place in my heart, but 2022’s Modern Warfare 2 probably has the most lifelike moustache I have ever seen, and one that rightfully deserves the number one spot.